1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
