If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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