Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
