Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
