Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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