i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
