Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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