just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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