He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
