Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
