We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
