All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
