Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
