If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
