My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
