Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
