this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
