somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
