I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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