Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
