look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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