Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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