what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
