someone get that fucking seahorse.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
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