people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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