For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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