Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
His nipple licking is glorious
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