kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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