It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
