I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
