I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i now understand why vodka
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
