booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
