the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
