I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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