I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You are the jesus of drinking
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
