Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
