The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
