I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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