so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
