i don't like sucking hair
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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