Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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