Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
