my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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