3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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