I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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