I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
