R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
