he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
