you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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