god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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