I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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