I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
