You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
