There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
