Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
