Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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