wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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