Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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