We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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