just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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